Monday, 1 April 2013

New Left-Handed Products!

In a world of impartialness, political correctness and equal opportunities, it’s important to ensure that every minority group is treated with respect. Left-handed people are no exception to this. Nobody knows why they exist or what purpose they serve, but they’re here and should have access to the same products and services as right-handed people! 

For years, left-handed people have battled with the ridiculous myths that surround their species. In Victorian times, left-handed children were forced to sit on their left hand and write with their right because, apparently, being left-handed was a sign of pure evil. Sure, Jack the Ripper and George Bush were left-handed, but we shouldn’t tar everybody with the same brush! Just think of all the left-handed celebrity heavyweights there are out there. Greg Rusedski, Ross Kemp and Paul Daniels are but a few of them.
To celebrate the wonderful world of left-handedness, we’ve released 3 brand new products, designed especially for left-handed people! Enjoy...

Left-Handed Curtains

 Left Handed Curtains

A recent study, carried out by The Bruce Forsyth Institute of Science and Technology, discovered that left-handed people have more trouble opening and closing curtains than right-handed people. To be honest, this isn’t a particularly startling discovery. Many of us have returned home from work to find a left-handed friend or family member led weeping on the floor with the curtains on top of them because they’ve tried desperately to open the curtains and ended up pulling them off the rail instead. We shouldn’t be witnessing these scenes in modern society. Thankfully, our left-handed curtains use the latest ‘easy-pull’ technology, so even left-handed people can open and draw the curtains without embarrassing themselves.

Left-Handed Spa Days

Left Handed Spa Day
Get that right hand off me

Our luxury left-handed spa days give you the chance to relax, take in the scenery and meet other left-handed people. Right-handed people are forbidden from entering the premises so you won’t have to worry about bumping into one of the smug idiots. Even the staff are left-handed! 

Throughout the day, you’ll be given the opportunity to chat with other sufferers and compare left hands. There will also be a professional councillor on site sharing expert knowledge on how to deal with being left-handed and what you can do to make your life easier. Just go up and talk to them.

At the end of the day, you’ll be handed a crossbow and given license to shoot flaming arrows at cardboard cut-outs of famous right-handed people. This is the perfect way to release any built-up frustration you might have and it’s one of the main reasons that left-handed people keep coming back to the spa. 

Left-Handed Shoes

Left Handed Shoes

Everybody knows that left-handed people have different shaped feet to right-handed people, so why have left-handed shoes never been invented? It’s a travesty. Thankfully, our scientists have created a new pair of stylish shoes, especially for left-handed people! 

Did you know that over 1 left-handed British person dies every year because of poorly fitted shoes? We hope this horrifying statistic will become a thing of the past with the introduction of our special new shoes. They mould perfectly to left-handed feet, enabling people to walk comfortably without the fear of tripping up and falling helplessly down a well or into the path of oncoming traffic.